Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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