Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
