Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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