i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
