After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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