Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
