You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Shame - the story of my life.
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