You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
