laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
