just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize