Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
