You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
