Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
