Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
