Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
