The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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