You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize