I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
