It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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