She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
