So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
