It's Friday. Sex?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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