We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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