I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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