Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
