Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
