Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
