Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize