Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
