She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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