im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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