they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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