how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
zippers are such a cool invention
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
