Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think people are normalizing furries
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize