Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
