we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've blown a few things in my day
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
