we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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