i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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