you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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