I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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