Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
