what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
