Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
