Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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