Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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