Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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