nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
