i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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