You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
