so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
