I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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