How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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