Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
