he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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