she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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