I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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