She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
