Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will pee on everything he values.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
