this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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