oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
