he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
