ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
