why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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