half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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