Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
