i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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