Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize