some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize